In this month of Valentines celebrations, love often comes up as a topic of discussion and reflection. But what is love exactly and how is it defined. If you look it up in Webster’s dictionary, love has several definitions or descriptions, so it’s difficult to nail it down concisely. In his 1960 book “The Four Loves”, C.S. Lewis explores the nature of love from a Christian perspective. He discusses four specific types love.
Storge Love – Empathy Bond
This kind of love comes from the fondness of familiarity. Family members or people who relate in familiar ways that are bonded by chance. An example is the natural love and affection between a parent and a child. Affection has the appearance of being “built-in” or “ready-made”, says Lewis, and as a result, people come to expect it irrespective of their behavior and its natural consequences. In my own family, I saw this love in action when my mother continued to love all her children equally, even when some had disappointed her in severe ways. It was a love that showed no favoritism to those who were meeting her expectations, or not.
Philia Love – Friend Bond
This is the love between friends as close as siblings in strength and duration. The friendship is the strong bond existing between people who share common values, interests or activities. Lewis immediately differentiates friendship love from the other loves. He describes friendship as “the least biological, organic, instinctive, gregarious and necessary…the least natural of loves”. Our species does not need friendship in order to reproduce, but to the classical and medieval worlds, it is a higher-level love because it is freely chosen, like the friendship between David and Jonathan in the Bible.
Eros Love – Romantic Love
This is love in the sense of “being in love” or “loving” someone. Eros is a concept in ancient Greek philosophy referring to sensual or passionate love, from which the term “erotic” is derived. Most of us who are married were driven to our spouse initially by attraction and feelings of wanting to love that person. In marriage, this kind of love is appropriate and one of the pleasures which comes from two becoming one with one another. Lewis warned however against the modern tendency for Eros to become a god to people who fully submit themselves to it, a justification for selfishness.
Agape Love – Unconditional “God” Love
This is the greatest love of all. This is the love that exists regardless of changing circumstances. Lewis recognizes this selfless love as the greatest of the four loves, and sees it as a specifically Christian virtue to achieve. Agape love is a little different. It’s not a feeling; it’s a motivation for action that we are free to choose or reject. Agape is sacrificial love that voluntarily suffers inconvenience, discomfort, and even death for the benefit of another without expecting anything in return. We are called to agape love through Christ’s example: “Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offer and sacrifice to God” (Eph 5:1-2).
As one bible translation puts it in 1 John 3:16, “We know and, to some extent realize, the love of God for us because Christ expressed it in laying down his life for us. We must in turn express our love by laying down our lives for those who are our brothers. But as for the well-to-do man who sees his brothers in want but shuts his eyes—and his heart—how could anyone believe that the love of God lives in him? My children, let us not love merely in theory or in words—let us love in sincerity and in practice!”.
Pete Castro
Added Information Sources –
Wikipedia.org
CompellingTruth.org
J.B. Phillips New Testament